Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
