I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
