hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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