Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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