I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
