did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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