i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
