I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
