I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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