dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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