if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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