Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
