I got chris browned last night
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
