I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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