Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
