There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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