I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
of course. lets lasso hookers.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
