woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize