dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
