I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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