her vagine was all disorganized.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
