please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This baby is an asshole
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
