THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
