Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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