roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
