i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
