just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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