Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
not ubering you a puppy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
