dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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