We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
