if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
