I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
