Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
