i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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