508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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