I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
