Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
