I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
