talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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