i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize