My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
