i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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