I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
