considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
