Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
