so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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