he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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