there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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