she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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