I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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