im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm passing your future prison.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
