as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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