He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
