What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
