We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
