i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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