OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
