Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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