Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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