pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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