halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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