I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I love having hate sex.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
