I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize