so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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