i love accidental penises.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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