I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
