I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
