i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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