Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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