k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
