Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
