I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
