i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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