11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
