Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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