All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
