Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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