So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
