38 yer olds are good kisserssss
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
