i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
