So drunk its hurt
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
