He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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