My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
