I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
