"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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