This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
